Saturday, June 16, 2012

How I Do It

Hey friendlies. How is your weekend going? I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks after having many conversations with friends about how crazy, stressful, exciting, sucky, awesome, unpredictable this lifestyle is and can be. The most frequented question/comment was along the lines of How do you do it?/ I don't know how you do it.

Well today I'm going to tell you. I really have put a lot of time and thought into this. When asked on spot my answers were I just do, It's all we've known, and I don't know. While those are actually accurate and true, I've ventured a little deeper into my mind and heart to figure out how exactly how I do it. Now I have an answer that has a bit more substance.

In the very beginning of our relationship, I mean the very beginning, Brandon and I became friends on Facebook. We communicated through messages and nothing else. We worked at the same place and saw each other every day but we never talked in person. There was a connection from the get go without actually being together. Four days after we first hung out, he left town for a road trip. I wrestled in my mind if when he got back things would pick up where they left off. Also looming in the back of my mind was the fact that at the end of the season, I was packing my bags and heading north and he was heading south.  It was no secret from day one that we would have to learn how to be together without being together. 

This August we will celebrate being together for three years.  At some point in each of the three years we have dealt with long distance. So.. how do I do it?

Love + Trust + Independence

We'll start with love, because they say, first comes love...

Love. Everyone believes love means something different.  I'm not an expert on love but I seriously believe that love is what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ALL, not some things - job loss, promotions, death, births, moves, in-laws, financial trouble, you name it - love can take care of it. The day we got married we committed to one another forever, until we die, that we will love one another through it all, not through some of it.

Trust. I can't keep tabs on my guy especially when he is half way across the country but I don't need to. I trust him. I can't explain to you something so personal between him and I. It's just there. I know based on how he was raised and his faith that I can trust him 100%. My husband doesn't drink, at all. I also choose not drink with the exception of once or twice a year and it is literally one drink. I don't want to worry about his choices being influenced by alcohol and he doesn't want to to worry about mine. It's just our understanding with one another. He by no means tells me what to do. We just choose to not go out of our way to make our relationship harder than it needs to be. 

Independence. I am not a stage 5 clinger, unless we are in the same room together and then I have to have some part of me touching him. I spend a lot of time on my own. I mean a lot. All my fellow baseball girls can relate to this and it's no exaggeration. For a seven o'clock game, my guy shows up to work around one, even earlier if he has to get in a workout. The game isn't usually over until ten and then tack on time for eating/shower/post game arm exercises. By the time we go to bed, its about two or three. We sleep in, most the time, unless we have errands then start the whole process over. Road trips are usually four days or eight/nine day trips, some in the big leagues are 12 day trips.

Anyway back to the independence... I can't rely on my man to entertain me. This is his job and it keeps him busy. I was never one of those girls that was afraid to do things on my own like go to the bathroom. The only reason I need you is if I run out of toilet paper. Even if I do I can still manage on my own. If I'm in a new city, I'll go places by myself, walk around, explore, think, pray, thank God for all my blessings. That was one of the coolest things in NYC was walking around wherever I wanted. I even did it twice in STL while I was there living in the hotel. I also have my own hobbys. I love sewing and have even skipped a weeks worth of games because when he was at work that is when I could get stuff done. I even started my own little business to run and manage. I also like to blog, which is great for you. Even though I spend a lot of time on my own I like to keep myself busy so I don't realize I'm alone.

I can't tell you I don't get bored, or lonely, or sad that we can't be together. I can't tell you that we don't fuss at one another when we can only text or talk on the phone. What I can tell you is that we love and trust each other through it all and I have managed to maintain my independence and support him at the same time. While writing, I realize this post can apply to pretty much any relationship not just ours. You're welcome for the free advice and you can take it or leave it. Either way I won't be offended. 



  1. I can totally relate to this! The first two years of my relationship was a long distance one although the miles between us was less than 40, but still it was rather hard to see each other especially since we were both in high school! I agree whole heartedly that those three things are what keep a long distance relationship strong! It takes two people who are extremely committed to each other to make a long distance relationship work and I think it is awesome that you two have that :)

    Hope you are having a great weekend!

  2. I'm a bit behind on blog-reading, but I love this post. I love "all, not some" because a lot of people rush out when things get even a little tough in relationships or marriage.

    Side note: I have G telling me updates about Brandon because I'm always talking about you and your blog. hehe.