Sunday, July 15, 2012

No Sugar Coating, I'm Not Willy Wonka

Yikes. I have seen an ugly side of myself this week. After parting ways with Brandon at the airport on Thursday morning I have been in quite a funk. It actually died off about Friday evening but it was ugly while it lasted. I was sad and deflated. How could such a wonderful seven days with my husband leave me feeling like this?

I try to stay positive here on the blog, not to give you the wrong idea but more so to encourage others to be positive. I truly feel I've been honest with you all about how I've been dealing with being a baseball wife and all that comes with it. I have enjoyed the travel, adventure, and the unexpected. I have found myself keeping busy with multitude of things and it hasn't seem bad at all. Until lately. I cracked. 

I was craving more time with him. Another morning to wake up next to each other and I couldn't have it. I was both angry and sad, yet helpless. This is what it looks like. The ugly side. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep the day away. But at the same time I knew I wanted to change how I felt. I knew that I had overcome these less severe feelings I've had in the past and that I could do it again.

This negativity snowballed. Yes it gets worse. The whole time I drove from Memphis to Missouri I debated back and forth on closing LaurenDarlings. I've been blessed with this gift but I am struggling to figure out how to utilize it in the way I was created to do so. I really enjoy making and creating/sewing different things. The weeks when I am with Brandon I pretty much have to put the shop in vacation mode. I also don't want to spend all my time online networking when I can be looking at his cute face, cooking him dinner, or spending quality time with him. It has left me torn and at this point I haven't figured out how to balance and make both work. Of course he will always come first no question.

When I'm not with Brandon I spend my time sewing. As I just explained, I wasn't sure my heart was in the right place on return from this trip. What was the point, at this point, to keep making anything? I just kept buying more, and making more, and selling less. I'm not concerned with making a profit, I would just like to be able to make back what I put into my shop. But I wasn't, I'm not and that is really discouraging.

I sat at my machine for an hour before I even turned it on, maybe longer. I had a few requests from some people I knew in town asking for various items. I had told them I would try to make those products so that's what I was going to do. I have to say those projects are what helped me out of the slump. I'm grateful for them. I also apologize to those individuals who have been patiently waiting for me to fill their requests. Truth be told I want to keep all the things I made for them. But I won't. 

In the meantime Brandon knew I was in a sad place and that I was missing him terribly. He text me this. 

"P.U.S.H. through it." 

He always has been very simple but that text was exactly what I needed. For those who have never heard this, it's an acronym for pray until something happens. I can always count on him to say the right thing and encourage me when I need it most. 

You, as well as myself, will be glad to hear the slump is over. I prayed for peace and direction and I still am. I miss Brandon dearly but... I am thankful my passion to sew and create hasn't been taken from me. For a minute, I thought it was gone and I would have dealt with it. It was a great reminder to me of how much I actually love sewing.

I can't tell you for sure the direction LaurenDarlings will take. I've decided only this, I'm going to keep making product and use whatever supplies I have on hand without buying new. I will be listing and selling these various items and most likely there may be only one available. Some fabrics I have more of, others I only have a scrap piece, If you love it snatch it up. I will probably make them first available to my Instagram followers because it's my favorite and easiest form of social media. If you're not following me my username is @larnlevydickson. From there I will list them in my storenvy shop - LaurenDarlings. As always you can contact me via email - 

I know posts that aren't happy, cheery, and full of great photos aren't fun to read but I felt the need to be honest about my feelings and whats been on my heart. My life is easily stereotyped and misconstrued to be luxurious and carefree and I just want you to remember that I'm human too. I will leave you with one happy photo from our trip last week just so we end on a good note.



  1. I love that you shared your heart so honestly, and I pray that you will be given lots of peace right now!

  2. I think you shared this side of things beautifully and I'm glad you did. So happy your funk is over and praying for you as you decide what direction to go with the shop. As you know, I've loved everything you've made so far! I know whatever you choose to make will be wonderful. :)

  3. Lauren, You are so wonderful. Please don't forget that.

  4. friend i am so sorry that you are in this slump. but i am so grateful that you shared this side with us. when i saw the PUSH text that you got from your hubby, i got chills. so moving, especially to see a Godly marriage. love it! i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  5. So sorry you are in a funk. I love your stuff.