A Bigger Purpose

I received some reading material from our church family a few weeks back. Normally Brandon leaves shortly after I wake up, if not before, and I have time alone to eat my breakfast. As I flip through different articles and devotionals I try to find something to kick start my day. A nugget of wisdom here or a bible verse there, whatever jumps out at me.

 

I stumbled upon this article titled Embracing Change in the July issue of Homelife and knew it was right up my alley. For whatever reason, I didn't begin to read the article, instead it was laid open to the page on the floor of our bedroom for several days. I knew it was going to slap me in the face with truth and I guess my instinct was to avoid the convictions I knew were written upon the following pages.

 

Then one night as I was trying to fall asleep, Brandon already off deep in dreamland, I found myself anxious and unsettled. I couldn't pinpoint the exact reason but I have no doubts that it had part to do with hormonal changes and part to do with this season that seems to be dragging on.

 

Of course, I pick up the article and start to read. Basically a couple gets married, has a baby, moves across the US, on one income.

 

Seems pretty familiar. I found my gut in my throat...gulp... and pressed on reading.

 

Word after word I couldn't read fast enough.....

 

...if Christ is at the center of your marriage, your job isn't to create a comfortable life but to develop a life that's securely grounded, despite uncomfortable circumstances.....

.

Japan, uncomfortable, surely not. I can put food on the table, take a hot bath, and live more comfortable than lots of people in our world.

 

...trust ... it's the result of an intentional, daily commitment to submitting yourself, your plans, and your personal comfort to the authority of God...

 

Not so easy, my plans, whatever they may be, feel only achievable from the land of the US and personal comfort - goodbye favorite restaurants and Target shopping. I know what it sounds like, you snob. And I won't deny it, I can't hide in my sin and selfishness to want these things. And yet I read on.

 

...Abraham and Sarah announcing to their entire family that they were to pack up because God told them to travel to an unknown place (Genesis 12)....when Noah told his family God commanded him to build an ark because it was going to rain (Genesis 6)...reflect on Job, who was determined to trust God even when his wife didn't (Job 2)...the most shocking of all, Mary telling Joseph she was pregnant and the father was God...

 

Whoa. I'll let that sink in for a second.

 

...God doesn't promise stability; however, submission to His will does promise security - in your marriage and in your life.

 

Like I knew it would, the article stirred in my heart many things.

• Our marriage is securely grounded in Christ whether we live in Alabama or Japan. Amen for that.
• My attitude (as of lately) has not been intentional in submitting to the authority of God's will and not my own. In my eager attempt to rush home I may be missing daily opportunities to serve others. My dad told me a few years back that I have a tendency to always want to be somewhere else, instead of being where I am. He is right.
• Knowing that we very well could be returning for a second season, with a child, has triggered some (okay a lot) of questioning of our purpose and time in Japan. The answer may show tomorrow or this week, but mostly likely we are seed planters and the harvest may not show for years. Who's lives are we supposed to touch while we are here? Maybe its someone back home reading our story? Where do we find maximum opportunities to love others and live out the truths we read daily? Or are we here, Brandon and I, for our marriage? For the bad to be whittled away (cause lets face it we are not perfect) and the good to grow into something even better. Now that to me is exciting stuff. Opportunities to change and impact others... I like it!

This past week I have only been able to feel this nasty cloud of restlessness, an unsettled feeling, and angst (none of which can be good for baby). I've been trying to hash it out daily. I thought perhaps spending more time being grateful for the small things would help or talking with Brandon. Each time I tried to bring it up the words just came out sounding like, "I hate this place get me home."  I reasoned that it was okay to feel that way, ready to be home, and while I know that it is okay to feel that, I cannot go on feeling only that.

 

Then last night I started writing a version of this post in my head and I started to feel better. Only problem was it was 3:30 am and I was snug as a bug, with the hamster wheel turning. I woke up today with one goal -- to shake the feeling that has been bringing me down. 

 

Okay so its more of a three part goal to work on.  To seek and find contentment in our circumstances. To trust the architect of my life's plan. And to focus on the positive outcomes that my very small presence could make to someone or in someone's life.

 

Really long story short, whatever or however it may appear our life is, it is nothing short of a life full of trials, both happy and sad, moments of anxiety and worry, frustrations, and insecurities. I do try to keep this blog a happy place, same with my Facebook and Instagram feeds, chocked full of good happy memories. I use this little space to share and open up, because a lot of times after I do, I feel much better, even if no one else reads what I have to say. 

 

 **Bold text is borrowed and paraphrased from Embracing Change by Wynter Pitts. July 2013 issue of Homelife**

10 Ways to Encourage Your Spouse

In high school I was voted Most Spirited by my class. I know this isn't any official award or anything to be proud of but I feel that this particular quality is complimentary to being a wife of a baseball player. When you think of someone with spirit do you think of a cheerleader? Hate to burst your bubble but I was never a cheerleader. I had no plan after high school to become one either. Surprise for me, when I said 'I do' I accepted the job as head cheerleader for team B & L. 

One man team..should be cake to cheer on this dude! Well what if your guy starts slipping again and again and again. Not so easy now is it? He has to know that someone believes in him no matter what the score. That someone is me.  [enter leg kick here]

I know that is probably a terrible analogy for the things I'm about to share with you but its the truth. Cheerleaders cheer the entire game. It doesn't matter what the score. They never sit down or quit cheering until the game is over. Well our game isn't close to being over and I have to cheer on my guy. 

So I compiled a list of ways to encourage your better half. If you're the better half then I mean your spouse. This is targeted towards encouraging a man, of any profession, so if you're a man reading this these barely apply to you. Use cautiously. 

1. Prayer. First of all, I know I need help so I'm calling in reinforcements. We are gonna need the whole team on this one. I know prayer isn't for everyone so maybe you write a note of encouragement instead. Usually I like to write them out and email them because we aren't together. This also serves as a reminder for him, and me, that He is in control. It's better to split the burden three ways, than just one. I also do this late at night so it's a nice surprise for him to start the next day. This is my go to and he has never said to me, "wow that made me feel worse." Always a win.

2. Jokes. You can find humor relating to almost any topic here. I know my guy has an awesome sense of humor and he likes to laugh. I'll try several times to get a laugh. If that doesn't work I try something else. It lets him get his mind off whatever it is bothering him, even if that's me. 

3. Gifts. Do not get fancy here. I mean something small. A Hallmark card and candy. None of this American Greetings junk. Just kidding, I'm a little biased to Hallmark. Even handmade will do. I had to mail something to B one time and decided to go the extra mile and send him lots of sweets that are unhealthy for him and a card. He appreciated all the 'sugar' I sent. (In the south kisses are called sugar cute huh?) First line said this.. "Hey, remember that time you left me in New York?" and I included a York peppermint patty. That's Mrs. Most Spirited coming out and maybe a little bit of sass.

4. Space.  If you're having a bad day or something is bumming you out do you always want to talk about it? Respect your other half. If they say they aren't in the mood to talk - let them be. It really probably isn't you at all. If it is you then that isn't my problem. Joking, but honestly let them cool down. You'll get cool points for being understanding.

5. Avoid the subject. For guys, if they don't want to talk about it, they don't want to talk about it. Pretend the situation never happened and he will love you. More than he already does. This is different from space. Space refers to not talking at all, avoiding the subject allows you to still talk, just not about the issue.

6. Date Night. Can't go into details here but dazzle him with your wits. Use your best assets. You feel me? I'm a married woman - don't judge.

7. Poems. I like to rhyme and I'm pretty good at it. Plus its cute and catchy. One time we (me and my little bro) turned a rhyme into a rhythm and actually wrote a song for Brandon. That will never be on the blog ever, I'm sorry. Unless we start practicing again.. Ol' Cotton Dickson is taking the mound, removes his cap as the anthem sounds....NO its never going to be on the blog. 

8. Songs. No, not one you wrote but maybe the lyrics to a song that is talking about something you feel you're going through. I can't tell you the number of times I text him telling him a good song to listen to because of the lyrics. If you can't think of any then I recommend Sexy and I know It by LMFAO. Two for one here jokes and song. 

9. Food. Did I already use this? No that was candy. So I like to bake treats for my guy as well.  Cookies. Brownies. The new cookie brownie. He doesn't complain. It definitely never hurts the situation. *Note if you are encouraging him on a diet journey food probably shouldn't be your weapon of choice unless its a cheat day. 

10. Be there.  Ask yourself am I hurting or helping the situation? Don't decide now that this is the time to nag him for this and that. Pick up the slack for your guy. Pick up your guy, not physically but emotionally, be there for him to lean on if he needs. If not.. still be there.

Dear husband, this ones for you. I really always try to make your life easier especially if you feel that things aren't going your way. I hope that all of these methods I've used, and now shared with the world, have helped you in some way. Also I'd like to say if it would make you happy I will put your song on the blog but that is last resort to cheer you up. I also feel that we need new team uniforms in all camo because I know that would be your wish. (That was me using a joke to make you laugh.)  - xo xo your #1 cheerleader. 

What do you think? Do these work for you and do you have any I'm missing?

LD 

Baby Boy Miracles - Part II

Two months ago, I was part of this awesome birth story. You will love it and be in awe if you take the time to read it. Tonight I made another trip to the hospital to see one of these miracles, still in the NICU, but for his last night. Tonight was different than my last visit. I held him with not one single chord or machine atttached at double his weight from the last time. He gets to go home tomorrow after one last sleepover at the hospital with his parents. Little bro on the other hand, has to stay behind until his eating gets better. It won't be long, I feel it in my heart.

Life is so precious. It's beautiful and crazy all at the same time. I had a moment today when not one thing mattered except his little life. As I held this tiny five pound baby in my arms I was in awe. Amazed beyond words. This baby boy is something so special. A miracle story. He is a twin making it an even more amazing story. A life so precious that so many vigorously prayed for and continue to pray for. This life that many told the parents would never be.

Can you believe it? I have no words. Miracles do happen. They do, so have faith. And when they do, it will bring you to tears because the impossible becomes possible before your eyes. Today I'm thankful for this moment that took my breath away.

Baby Boy Miracles

Yesterday we were supposed to go visit our friend Rebecca in the hospital. She is pregnant with twin boys. This is our friend who sang and her husband played the guitar for us at our wedding.  This is the friend who visited Brandon's granddad while he was in the hospital when we couldn't be here. We miscalculated our time schedule and  the errands we had to run and did not make it by to see her. I was really bummed. I wanted to show her that we did care about her. We decided we would go today and then run the rest of the errands after BD worked out. But that didn't quite happen... 

Here is a little background on the subject. Rebecca has had multiple complications with this pregnancy. It began from the beginning with struggles getting pregnant and IVF treatments. She even lost one of the babies after the IVF was successful. They didn't give up. Once she became pregnant, with twins, the doctors saw little hope in the babies surviving and advised her to abort both babies. That was not an option for this family. As a result of their strong faith and loving families they continued to hold on. They knew this would be a struggle and that any moment their children, twin boys could be taken from them. 

Numerous trips to specialists and doctors happened. A procedure was done on Baby B the day before our wedding. They were having troubles with their kidneys. I don't know all the details so I'm sorry that it seems vague. After the procedure and for the last few months each time they returned to the doctor for ultrasounds they continued to see improved results often times with no medical reasoning to back them just God's miracles. 

As of last Friday our dear friend was placed on bed rest due to leaking amniotic fluid. Then Monday they admitted her to the hospital as this became a concern for the doctors and of course the babies well being. 

We arrived about 1 and I didn't expect anything less. Rebecca aka always bubbly and chatty was nothing less. It was as if we were spending time with her outside of the hospital. There wasn't the dreadful hospital stigma in her room. We talked about things the doctors told her and some of her concerns for the boys. I could tell deep down she was nervous. Nervous that she was going to have to spend the next six weeks in the hospital waiting. Or nervous that the boys were coming sooner than planned. 

Her husband arrived while we were there. He is also very upbeat and well spirited. We seriously love this couple. While we were there they were monitoring the babies hearts and it was so neat hearing them. I'd never heard that before. Then the nurse came in and told her that she was actually having some Braxton Hicks contractions. 

Whaaaaaa (Despicable Me voice)  --- we said peace out we gotta roll! No, not really, but I know my husband was thinking it. We left the room while they had to do some nurse/private things and when we came back we chatted a few more then said goodbye about 2:30ish.

I couldn't quit thinking about her on our ten minute ride to the gym and text her one more time telling her not to be nervous, not to worry that everything will be fine and that it's in God's control.  Her response ...

Are you JOKING me? Not possible. We just left the hospital and your nurse said nothing was happening yet. 

As soon as Brandon finished working out and I finished some computer work for the trainer we ate and headed to the hospital. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the hospital with their family and friends. This evening we got to see the babies in the NICU. They are precious little miracles. 

Aaron and Benjamin were born at 3:50 today. 

Aaron weighs 2 lbs 6 oz and is 15 inches. 

Ben weighs 2lb 7 oz 13 3/4 inches.  

These photos don't show how tiny they are but they are oh so small and adorable! 

These babies were born a little over an hour after we were there visiting. Now she blames it on us that we sent her into labor. How will we ever repay her?

As of tomorrow the babies are only 29 weeks old. We believe these little miracles are going to be fine. They will have to stay until they are at least 35 weeks old. They still have a long road ahead of them but with their faith and good spirits we know the babies will surprise us yet again to overcome the odds. 

{The lesson in this for me. I have been running myself ragged stressing over all these things I want to do before we leave. And more things I need to get done before we leave. Today I realized that they will get done in time. There are some things more important that need attending to first. Being there for our friend was one of them.}

Magic of Christmas

Hello friends. Are you all scurrying to finish your Christmas shopping and holiday decorating. Do you have lots of parties to attend and goodies to bake? Have you been looking for opportunities to give this holiday season? Read on..


Growing up my parents always made sure we had presents under the tree. When you are younger you don't even thing of the financial side of Christmas. As we grow older we come to realize just how blessed we are to have presents under the tree. 


Is it really about presents? This year my siblings and I are tossing around the idea of not giving each other gifts. A lot of time throughout the year we will surprise one another with a little something just because and that is enough for me. Honestly now that I have moved ten hours away from my family, time is the only gift I want this year. Spending time with them is priceless. We always have a good time, always. As our family begins to expand with husbands and girlfriends it just becomes that much more fun!



There is something that has been heavy on my heart the last few weeks. I want to be able to give. I want to be able to help, even just one person this Christmas. I know how blessed I am and I want to share that with someone else. If I can help more, wonderful, but one was what I was looking for. 


I have been praying for an opportunity to be able to help someone in need this holiday season.


I received a text asking if I would like to help a child in need. I asked for more info and this is the email that followed.

Hey Lauren,

Here’s the info

I have a partnership with Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City. Right now we are selling gift albums for the children there as a Christmas gift. We have specific albums geared toward boys and girls filled with about 20 different toys and gifts for Christmas. Here is a picture of the album they get to choose from:

 

They are $30 per album with free shipping. We will be delivering them to the kids at Children’s Mercy on December 23^rd. For some of the kids, this will be their last Christmas…. and we’re trying to make it as special as possible. We did it last year and it was very well received by the children and their families! Please let me know what you think or if you know anyone else that wants to donate too.

Answered prayer? I think so. I asked Brandon if he cared if I bought two. I absolutely love kids, if you know me, you know this. Two children in particular.  Honestly if we could afford it, I would buy 50. I hope that is the case some day. 

Would you like to help?

Here's how:

Go to this website.

Item # 747910 for Kaleidoscope Ribbon Ensemble

Ship to: (make sure you ship to this address so they arrive there so she can deliver them)

Chelsea Weingarten

14009 Barkley St. Apt 802

Overland Park, Kansas

66223

If you've been praying to help make a difference, this might be the answer you were looking for also. If you decide to donate an album or two please leave me a comment or email me so I can let Chelsea know. - Thanks!

Happy Holidays. 

A Different Call Up

Call ups. Some people get them some people don't. It is the time of year when the rosters expand and  many minor league players look forward to this time of year to see if they've earned the call.
  
Like life, we ultimately are waiting for the call. The call from God that says come home to heaven and be with me. He expands his roster, but not just one season of the year. He is always taking his children home.  


I know today was a huge day for Brandon. It was his first big league start. He was successful, he had fun, he loved being out there. While I enjoyed watching him live out his dream I sat in the stands. One moment I was jumping up and down. The next, tears streamed down my face. I know what you're thinking.  
There's no crying in baseball. 


There is crying in life and because someone near and dear to mine and Brandons heart got his call up Friday. His name is Joe, but most knew and called him Papa. I don't even know where to begin describing this man. I know he was Brandon's biggest fan. All he ever wanted was to see him in the big leagues. He tells a story and he can tell it twice and three times and even again and it gets funnier each time. He wants nothing for himself, except maybe some sweets. When I was living there with them I would always find him in the treat cabinet and then I would find him feeding the dog half of his treat. I didn't have the heart to tell him not to feed the dog because I know how much he enjoyed this. He looked out for everyone. Made sure we all had what we needed. He was a jokester. He had an extremely large heart, even his doctors said so. For as many things that were wrong with it, he seemed like he had the perfect heart. My favorite phrase he said was, 'righchere' and when I wasn't sure what to talk with him about, which was a rare problem, I asked him about racing. He would talk your ear off if you let him. If you show up to their house at two in the morning don't think you can come in and slip in bed. No sir. You're gonna sit up and talk for an hour or so and he would even get in the kitchen and start whippin up some breakfast. 


For only knowing him for less than two years I feel like I have known him forever. I can't imagine what our life is going to be like without him. It hurts. I know he is in a better place but the days without him are going to be quite different than we are used to. Papa will now be at each and every game of Brandon's cheering him on. 


We love and miss you Papa.

Hard Questions

I did some driving this week and do you know what happens when I drive? Well my mind and my heart meet in the middle and the rolling hills of Missouri and the beautiful skies just provoke so many things in my mind. I become consumed with blog topics and subjects that I want to write about and share with you. Then I arrive home, unwind, and settle in and completely lose the passion and emotion to the feelings and ideas that had consumed me for the two hour car ride. 

Brandon and I have a unique relationship, in a good way. He is a professional athlete. I am a college grade with a degree in business marketing. I have chosen to shelf that degree while I nanny two children instead. When we marry in November we will move in together and from that point on we will always live together. Where that is we won't know until maybe a few days before. What about me? What will I do? Will I stay at our home in Alabama while he goes to spring training? Will I move with him during the season? Where will we live? Where will I work? What about my career and my dreams?  


Those are the questions that friends and family bring to my attention. Now it gets difficult hearing those questions as if I haven't already pondered and maybe stressed over all of them multiple times. I finally think I can answer the question with one hundred percent confidence.


I know that I was made for Brandon. I was made to be there for him to help, listen, pray for, please, prepare, respect, honor, and to love him unconditionally. I'm ready for that. I accepted the ring and agreed to marry him and agreed to all those things. In addition, we agreed to put God at the center of our relationship. He is the foundation of what we are going to be committing to in a few short weeks.


So when I get asked those questions about me and what I will do, I have an answer. You may not like it. You may not agree, but I have an answer. I have chosen to submit to my future husband. Because of this decision, God will reveal and bless me with my own needs and give me dreams that I can follow while still doing what he created me to do. I truly believe leaving my job here, and possibly passing on job opportunities that arise so that Brandon and I can be together he will bless me with so much more down the road that is bigger and better. I'll take my eyes off myself and put them on God and the rest will take care of itself. It makes me excited and eager, but I will be patient because those blessings come in His time not mine but I know they will.


As humans we are naturally selfish. We can't change that. However we can ask God to change our hearts and He will. This is obviously a way easier thing to say, talk, and write about than act on but with enough prayers it can be done and I hope I am the one doing it.