Begin Again

It's time to start writing again. After months of being absent around here I've been inspired to start sharing again. Sharing a story of our time here in Japan. The story of the new life we've created. Sharing our story.

I've missed writing and each time I sit to write I feel like I have to write a novel so I leave it for later.  It may just be a few words, pictures, mom things, baseball things, baby things, Japanese things, sewing things, or just whatever. I will attempt to be here more, but only when I'm not needed elsewhere - Wife, Mom, Housekeeper, Chef, then blogger.

So here we go takin' it back a bit to some honesty on being a new momma.

The beginning of my time as a new mom I was fearful, of everything. I was scared. I thought it was going to come more naturally to me. That it would be easy. I know... crazy idea right? My expectations were high. I would bounce right back after babies birth, and just go and do, she would wear cute outfits and I would be cute momma and life would just be peachy. But that's not exactly how it happens, at least not for us, and people are hesitant to tell you that. No one wants to rain on a glowing pregnant ladies parade, am I right? 

I cried those tears I was warned I would cry. Breastfeeding hurt like the dickens. And my baby, she wasn't as accepting to her new life outside the womb. It bothered me when she would cry. Then I felt all sorts of guilt. Guilt for not loving everything about our new baby, the crying. I loved our new baby more than words can say, the best blessing, but I also had no clue what I was doing. I remember telling Brandon as tears streamed down my face that I couldn't do this. He looked me in the eyes, and as scared as I know he was at the time, reassured me that we most certainly could and that he was there to help me.

We faced so many challenges those first weeks. High billirubin levels resulting in a return visit to the hospital for a two night stay. A tree falling during a storm that could have crushed our home on our second night there. Clogged milk ducts and cracked nipples. Yep I said nipples, read on its not a big deal. It was rough and totally not what I had imagined. But we pressed on, encouraged and loved on by our family and friends. Truthfully, I wanted to press pause on life, go crawl into bed and sleep for as long as I could. But I couldn't. I remember using humor daily. I just had to make things funny to accept what they were. Sadly I can only remember a few jokes but if you were to ask my mom and sister I'm sure they could supply you with some of my sleep deprived one liners. I was cheap entertainment.

I wondered if I would ever fix my hair and put on make up again. Vain I know, I was a new mom and she should be my number one priority. What about my dog, would he ever get snuggles again or have me take him out? I thought I would live in red Christmas pajama pants and a pink fleece until she was a year old. I had tunnel vision and just could not see things getting any easier.

They did, and continue to do so today. I'm not sure when exactly, or how, but they did.

I still question if I am doing things right. I question what is best for our baby. But the fear I had before has rescinded and I feel more confident in my role as mom. Each day is a learning experience, she throws us curve balls good and bad. I still grumble when I'm woke up in the middle of the night, but with grace, lots and lots of grace from the Lord, I get through it. Being a mother is my most favorite thing, it is hard, but oh so good.

Her farts make us giggle (sometimes gag).  She teaches us about patience, teamwork, and how to love deeper and unconditionally. She is the light of our lives and I look forward to sharing more of that with you all. But for now, those little farts and a dimpled smile are calling my name, most likely with an accompanying full diaper that needs a change.

Glad to be back - thanks for joining us. - Lauren

A Baby Nursery (or not)

I've had my blog window open for over a week now waiting to jot down some memories, throw at you some pictures of our recent activities or even show you the nursery that we have been working on. But lets be honest, the only real evidence I can show you that a baby is in fact on its way would be progressive selfies of my growing belly and a few shots from a baby shower along with a laundry basket and two bags of baby necessities.(Whatever those may be, I'm still trying to figure that out).

 

Last week, we started a four week series on child birth and all that fun stuff and it started hitting me that in seven short weeks our tiny human will be here. While all that is good and grand and making me more excited then ever, I was feeling sad and grumpy too.

 

Freaking hormones.

 

I felt like I was drowning in so many to do lists and want to do lists before baby comes that I've been overcome with guilt. Guilt that our house isn't clean enough, that I'm being crafty enough, guilt for not cooking dinner, that not one baby item is washed or put together. Guilt for not having 100% energy to do things I normally could. It is not a fun feeling. One would think, the extra 25 pounds, frequent trips to the bathroom, and all the other cliché pregnancy joys would be a constant reminder that it is okay to slow down but for some reason, I'm guessing it has to do with being a woman, we forget and stay in overdrive.

 

Then, I got the sweetest, most needed advice from a friend. I'll sum it up,

 

"I'm causing the burden and causing the guilt. God doesn't require a Pinterest inspired baby nursery to love me or greet me with open arms."

 

And that my friends is a freeing thought. God has equipped Brandon and I both with what we need to be awesome parents. Probably Brandon more than me but anyway. We both know there will be times of failure, struggles, and disappointments but as long as we love on our little baby that is all that matters and I'm absolutely confident we can do that.

 



So its time to go Jimmy Fallon style with some thank you notes...

 

Thank you.... society for making me feel like a terrible parent-to-be because we aren't giving our tiny human an entire room in our house. I'm sure it will need it almost never in the first few months of it's life while we are here. In reality I'm pretty sure it's stuff will be all over the house anyway so why try to contain it.

 

(I guess now would be a good time to mention we are moving back to Japan for another year, actually two, so baby will only be here for a little while before we leave)

 

Thank you... giant box stores for providing thousands and thousands of baby products that every new mom-to-be thinks she needs but will probably actually never use. How many types of butt cream do we really need?

 

Thank you... Pinterest for giving me thousands of ideas for an adorable nursery, but I'm pretty sure the only thing adorable I'll want to look at is my baby and its sweet little features.

 

(I am not saying you shouldn't give your baby a nursery, just saying that for our nomadic lifestyle, it isn't happening. I still love seeing everyone elses' come together for their sweet babies and totally get that your baby needs its own space.)

 

But in all seriousness...

 

Thank you, Brandon for always asking what you need to do for me every single day, it's time I give in and let you help me.

 

Thank you sweet friend and your always perfect Godly wisdom.

 

And thank you, 19 day old babies for giving me a preview of what life will soon be like for us, only with just one instead of two babies. The next fifty days are going to be long but I will fill them with sleep and rest until then, and maybe a little nesting if I feel like it.

 

 

 

 



Finally September & A Birthday Shout Out

I have almost caught up completely with my parents trip but going to take a little break before I finish the last few days worth of activities.

 

First - Happy Birthday to my younger brother! Can't believe he is 24 today. It's totally sinking in that I need family time. Family time being a holiday game of balderdash or something of the like. Boy am I excited to get home to see everyone.

 

It's our last full month of living in Japan!! Can I get an AMEN? Yep, we will hopefully be home mid-October so this is the last full month residing in Japan...until next year. (Possibly/Probably/Still unknown) I am pretty much over this baseball season for many reasons I can't explain here. We are trying to get our flights booked that include a mini vacation on the way home. But still don't have an official day of when we will be finished. All the rainout games get tacked on to the end of the season, as if it needed to be any longer.

 

Last week we went to the doc for our 20 week checkup, at 21 weeks but whatever. Dr. said everything looked good and didn't give us any accidental indication of whether a little lady or gent will be joining us. At this point we still have not purchased anything for baby. I guess it's because I know that luggage space on the way home is hard to come by. Sorry kid.

 

Speaking of space, someone hast totally take over my space in the last eight weeks and I love it. I knew I was getting bigger but didn't really see it until I put on the exact same outfit. I'll admit getting used to this new body of mine has been a little weird and made me selfish at times but now that I'm feeling this baby moving and shaking its beyond worth it. And that's all I got for now, just counting down the days until we head home.

 14w2d/22w2d

Round Here

For starters, Brandon is gone on a long road trip and I thought about going along but with the heat I just decided I'll tag along in September. Also maybe by then I will have adjusted my wardrobe to have enough outfits that fit instead of Brandon's gym shorts. Stylish, I know.

As of today we are in the 19th week of this roller coaster ride of pregnancy. I must say that with each day I'm loving it more and more. Especially since I've been feeling the baby moving around. Mostly late in the evening (a little night owl like me) or after a big meal.

16w3d/17w5d/18w6d

While that number is slowly counting up, we are also counting down until we COME HOME! I think its around 56 days until the last regular season game, not that I keep track. We already started trying to make some travel arrangements home to save on expenses but since we don't know for sure what day we can leave nothing is final. Sure is exciting talking about it though!

Besides that I've been working on clothing projects for a friend. Which entails borrowing a sewing machine, which is absolutely fine by me. Here are a few of the things I've been making. I thought for sure after five months I would lose some of my skills but I actually think not sewing for that long made me better. I don't want to do it again, just looking at the bright side.

 

 

 

I know it's a bit ridiculous but, the bear was all I had and I needed to check for size. It feels SO good to be making stuff again. Plus I am getting in some good practice before our own little one arrives, especially if it is a she.

 

And that is all that goodness happening around here. Growing a baby and sewing with a little bit of baseball and lot of missing our dog!

 

 



An Honest Pregnancy Update

Here I am, 16 weeks pregnant and I've hardly given this baby the attention it deserves here on the blog. I used to write here because I loved to create and make things and then share them for anyone who stumbled across them. Now I write more or less to share with everyone back home in the states some of our daily life and adventures we are experiencing in Japan. But our baby is both something we've created and want to share with everyone plus a very huge part of our daily life.

I've been apprehensive to share much about the pregnancy because at times I wonder, 'does everyone really need to know x, y, z?' And because I am not one to handle criticism and unwanted opinions about such a touchy subject very well. Brandon and I are both believers and we have already been in prayer for God's guidance to be the best parents we can be and will rely on our faith to guide us in this new and exciting journey.

So here is a little bit of our story and the beginning of our little one.

It was our decision to start trying for a family at the beginning of this season, this was no surprise. Since January we discussed it on a regular basis and felt based on travel plans and the off season we would try to have a baby between mid November and January. Once I made it to Japan we prayed about it to make sure we were both ready and to ask God if he wanted this for us then we were ready. On May 2nd, we found out that God was in fact ready for us to be parents. This is the note I used to tell Brandon. He was speechless and yes that is a Japanese pregnancy test.
 

If you remember, my parents came for a two week visit just six days after we found out a baby was on the way. It was obviously very early in the pregnancy but I knew that we had to tell them while they were here in person. I would wake up each morning wondering when I would feel sick and if I would be able to make it traveling and sightseeing with my parents. There was one afternoon where I couldn't get out of bed, I never got sick, I just had zero energy and zero appetite. The next day I felt fine. Back when I remember that I first knew I wanted to have kids, I began praying then each time pregnancy would cross my mind, for no morning sickness - an answered prayer.

Then started my free boob job. Because I'm being 100% honest here this was and is still quite a shock for me. I knew that the ladies became sore, what I didn't realize they would grow. And grow. And grow. And there is one of us who isn't complaining. Slowly but surely my clothes are shrinking. For a few weeks my belly would grow all day and then shrink back up while I was sleeping. Today, the belly is almost always out or at least it only takes until after breakfast for it to show up and I'm becoming quite fond of it.
 
Having a growing body is a challenge for a pregnant woman at least for me it was/is. I know that each and every kilogram I gain is for the best reason in the world. As a woman, and being at the I look like I ate to many cupcakes phase will take a small toll on your self esteem. At the time I was feeling really guilty about feeling bad about gaining some weight so I decided then I would make sure that I would feel as healthy as I could and make sure to get exercise for the both of us. I bought some goggles and a swim cap and started hitting the pool after a gym workout. And I finally started to feel confident and healthy as I continue to grow. Although this past week I have slacked, but know how to simply fix the problem, as soon as I get my doctors approval for $30. I know, ridiculous.

I began eating the same thing for breakfast for about a week, then the following week it would be something different, and this pattern still follows. This week it's frozen waffles. Last week it was Frosted Flakes with fruit on top and the week before it was scrambled eggs and cheese. For lunch my favorite has been tomato + cucumber + avocado salad or sandwich. I also have lots of nights were I want to have a glass of chocolate milk before bed or a handful of M&M's. There haven't been too many cravings. Mostly because I know the things that I would really like are 5,000 miles away so I try not to let my mind wander there and it's been working. Oh and cherries, I have LOVED cherries even at almost $5 a pack. Blame it on the kid, expensive taste already.
 

 
 
In the beginning, I continued to drink soda and coffee but I would try and limit myself to one a day. But it was hard and I failed miserably. I also had lunch meat and a hot dog or two but couldn't convince myself that these things would hurt our baby. I also had way to much candy, which led to a toothache, which led to me realizing I was making bad bad choices. Sorry baby, momma is a first timer. I know in my heart that God is protecting this child and that if there is something going to happen to our baby I know that it is His plan and not mine. I would simply ask that while I did those things that he allow them to not hurt our son or daughter. I still feel this way today however you'll be glad to know I have adjusted my habits and try eat and drink things that will help our baby grow but I'm not a drill sergeant either, it's about moderation. Lesson learned.
 
Our doctor visits are every four weeks and each time we visit we get to see the baby. The first visit we got to see the heartbeat. On our second visit we got to hear the heartbeat and this past visit we got to see it's little legs and arms moving. We have a DVD that they add each visits ultrasound and this past visit has been my favorite thing to watch. I thought the first two visits were great but this past one blew me away because it actually looks like a baby at this point. Our doctor speaks very little English but he knows how to say everything looks good, which we LOVE hearing. I think I mentioned before but we are not finding out the gender of our baby. Check out this little sprout! Each week I will read to Brandon what our baby is said to be doing. So this week he or she can hear our voices and it's not weird at all having someone talk into your belly. It has probably heard us laughing a ton at night because we are on this strange Jimmy Fallon kick where we watch video after video until way to late. Other than that we just pray he/she is healthy.
 

8wk/11w6d/15w6d

 
Don't get me started on the amount of toilet paper I've been going through. I think the placement of the bladder in a woman may have been a tiny joke BUT I'll take it because I know it's only going to continue for the next five months. I have to get out of the pool and use the bathroom more times than the old folks, a tad embarrassing.
 
That is our pregnancy through the first 15 weeks. I have been blessed with zero nasty symptoms, a boob job, shrinking clothes, the ability to hold it like no ones business, a tiny baby with super cute little bones and a thankful heart for this wild ride of an experience that is going way to fast already. And I almost forgot a super supportive and excited husband which has made this experience even better.  
 

12w4d/12/5d/13w4d/13w6d/14w2d/15w1d 

A Week Alone

It's quiet here. Almost too quiet. Yesterday I took my sister to the airport and its nearing 24 hours and she isn't home yet. Her flight from Osaka was delayed by about three hours just allowing her to miss the plane crash at SFO where she was to catch her connecting flight. It's scary and I am so thankful that she is safe and hope that she can make it home soon!
 

 
We had a super busy but awesome visit from the time I picked her up until the time I dropped her off. She got to experience Japan as Brandon and I do and I'm letting her do a recap of her time here so that I can finally catch up on my parents visit from May.
 
If it wasn't bad enough sending her home, Brandon just walked out the door for a week. It is bittersweet. He is finally recovered from his injury 100% and is scheduled to pitch for the big league team on the tenth. How I have LOVED our afternoons and evenings together and it will take a few days for me to adjust to being here by myself after about two months of having him here.
 

 

Which will probably leave me missing him and my new best dog friend Henry. Karla and I went on a little trip to Tokyo to visit our friends living on the Yakota Air Force Base and I soaked up some dog loving time with this little dachshund. He was so pathetic waiting by my bags before we left. I think it's safe to say he liked me a little.

 

 

 

So for the time being, I will keep growing this little baby of ours that received two packages this week. My friend Rachel, which finally had her baby boy on the 5th (Happy Birthday Max and to my bff Liz) sent us some baby goodies and a some reading material for me. Then my mom shipped us a box with stuff we needed, toothpaste/deodorant/lemonade packets, etc., and then this CUTE bear and onesie that she made for us. I can't believe how small a newborn onesie is, but I love it. Trying not to get anxious because we still have six months to go.

 

 

While Karla was here she couldn't resist pictures of my tiny bump I've been sporting - already rocking her Aunt duties.  After being on our feet all day and large meals that baby really likes to pop out, which makes me wonder if we are going to have a big baby on our hands come January.

 

 

 

 



With all of that said, I am left with a full heart to take on this week alone and catch up on some Facetime!